Narcissit? Who me?

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Narcissist 2: Back in the Habit

Okay, so maybe the title doesn't quite work the same as it does for this cinematic masterpiece, but you get the idea. The point which I will attempt to get across here, in a style less musical and less positively reviewed manner ("Laugh-out funny! As good as the original!"- Manly Man Quartlerly) is that I am making my glorious return a la Gloria Swanson to the world of.... well, this blog. Because even though this is disjointed and non-sensical you all must remember that I am big, it's the pictures ideas that got small.

Or whatever.

The point is that I have some ideas churnin' out the of the ol' noggin and I am finally getting around to putting them on paper- internet paper!


Firstly, I have been thinking a lot for the last few months. Yes, I have also been sleeping for most of the day and dealing with odious customers- FIND THE FRIGGIN' COLES BOOKSTORE BY YOURSELF PEOPLE!- but in the slow hours of the day I have been thinking a lot. Most of that thinking had to do with repressing the above thought in cap-lock, but also I've been considering what is is that makes me tick. Yes my body is sponsored by Frito-Lays, and my heart belongs to Tina Fey, my brain had yet to be claimed. Then across my television did glisten an ebullient and effervescent neuro-scientist wanna-be AKA Goldie FREAKIN Hawn, and because I prefer all my mental and spiritual experts to also be Academy Award winning thespians, I was completely enraptured.

Basically, from what I could gather in between being distracted by her pretty, golden locks, is that the mind needs to focus in order to deal with stress. There is this little section of the brain that releases this stuff, a type of- and I'm paraphrasing here- magical brain juice, that helps you when your feeling blue. Essentially if you sit in quiet five times a day and focus on your breath you get happy. And because I don't yet have diamond-curtains, I figured I'd try this alternate, less effective, and way less expensive route to bliss. It is a simple enough concept that I just couldn't wait to try.

Gathering up all the essentials for a mind focusing exercise takes more time than you'd expect. You have to find a comfy place to sit, a quiet space, a place where you are not distracted. Then you have to find something to sit on and then what to wear? Do you wear socks? Will your feet get cold, or when you transcend to the next level of consciousness do you cease to feel such trivialities? And most importantly when you are trying to focus a mind for the first time, a mind that has a history-indeed a reputation- of being historically unfocused, how much time should you allocate?

Turns out you should tuck away about 3 hours of you day; and that will only get you about halfway there.

At first I thought I should explore the recesses of my mind to unravel the thoughts that were bound up there would not be a distraction while I was trying to focus. That was a bad idea.

From this outer territory came ideas and thought trajectories of such brilliance and relevance it is hard to imagine why I failed to explore them further. Such abandoned gems like inventing a magnetic swivel top desk, and having imaginary fights with various acquaintances came popping up at me the moment I sat down. Following them to their inevitable imaginary end: me becoming incredibly rich and successful; I put all of them to rest and readied myself for focus.

Albeit, not right away. It turns out the mental energy of falling down so many rabbit holes had an adverse effect on my focus exercises. Just like when I attempt regular exercising, like running, I collapsed into a deep coma, and awoke hours later.

And you know what? I felt happier. I may not have gotten focused but at least I'm well rested.

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