Narcissit? Who me?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Holy! (Matrimony?)

Now many of you constantly ask me why I am unmarried. (No not you Jenn and Ashton! Other people may read this. And they might ask me. You don't know) And my usual response is: "Buy my a drink and we'll talk in the morning." but lately the question has been creeping into my head. Maybe because I have friends that are getting married (HI guys!) and maybe because I am getting up there in years, but whatever it is, much to my surprise the idea of marriage has been rearing it's (sometimes ugly) head, inside my head (Trippy)

Now one of the biggest reasons that I am unattached is that there is not now, nor has there ever been an interested party. But those are small potatoes dealt with, with tricky and alcohol. The biggest reason that I have not been married is because I don't want to. Or at least I thought I did. I thought it was resolved. I thought that it had been settled. Me= sad, single, sociopath. And I was okay with it. But then I got thinking about going to Las Vegas and I remembered that I wanted to one day complete all of Britney's antics (I just need to find Madonna and a giant snake!) and I remembered the quickie marriage.

Wham-Bam-I-Do! In Las Vegas for a weekend, go to a sleezey chapel and 24-48 hours later have the thing annulled!

I think I would be the perfect candidate for a quickie marriage. I am flakey, and funny, and I think a fair bit spontaneous. I have nothing of value to take, so the settlement would be a breeze, and best of all I am not sexually threatening, so the whole thing can transpire between me and a friend and it will be one of those things that we look back at and laugh. Do you smell a bargain?

Also I think that it would be nice that if (and when) I become famous and when (or if) I die, it would be an interesting little blurb they can slip in after the multiple Academy Award nominations, and before how I saved the moon.

"Seven time Academy Award winner, Daniel D*****, single for all his life, save for a fast marriage, and an ever swifter divorce, who so bravely battled the aliens that threatened to steal our precious Lunar Lump. Died at home last Saturday. He was 197."

Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? I think so.

So now, the big question, any takers?

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