Narcissit? Who me?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dorothy Parker I love you!

These are all quotes from my very favorite writer ever, Miss Dorothy Parker. She is exactly the kind of writer I want to be: quotable, hilarious, nominated for two Academy Awards.

Dorothy Parker Quotations:

• I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
• I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
• Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
• I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
• You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
• Women and elephants never forget.
• I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things.
• Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
• Four be the things I'd have been better without:Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
• A girl's best friend is her mutter.
• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
• Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
• Salary is no object; I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
• Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
• The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.'
• If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
• The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires.
• Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.
• It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.
• All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
• Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
• Scratch a lover, and find a foe.
• Men don't like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have the copyrights on nobility -- if there is going to be anything like that in a relationship.
• That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.
• People are more fun than anybody.
• I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host.
• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
• You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
• Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
• The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
• Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
• This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
• The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

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