Narcissit? Who me?

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Empire Strikes Back (I hate titles)

So I took a self-imposed hiatus from writing, but I feel that after a lot of talks with my personal trainer (Oprah) my life coach (Dr. Phil) and medical professional (Dr. T.E. Bear) I have been cleared to return to writing this blog. My many thanks go out to all of those people who have sent such encouraging e-mails ( Especailly to HotChick_JennyXX. I agree: Let's chat!) and letters (7.9% interest! You shouldn't have!)

So starting back at this pretty much full time job, I think I should reflect on the things that have happened since I last wrote....actually since the only thing I have done in the past month is far to boring to recount lets go with stuff I have just made up.

Fictional Stuff I did:

-After numerous nominations, I finally took home not one, but two, Golden Globes for Best Supporting Actress, and Best Actress. I was noticibly emotional giving both speeches, which was uncharacteristic considering my stiff British Upper lip.

-I announced my plan to adopt, along with my wife, a total of 11 children from various countries all over the world, but not the United States.

-I co-hosted The View.

-I developed an innovative new towel like shammy, that I have named the "SHAM-WOW" beause it is so amazing. I use it to dry my dogs.

-I sunned myself on a private yacht off the south of France.

-My sunglasses and signature jean collections set record profits for my clothing design firm.

-While cleaning my fish tank, I placed my five fish into an empty ice cream bucket. An hour later I returned to find only 4 fish in the bucket. The little guppy was given a small, intimate, kleenex wrapped, funeral. (That one was true)

1 comment:

Jenn said...

Blarrgh, fish are gross.